⏰ > 💰 Reassessing My Relationship with Time

A few hours ago, in our daily reading group today on the holy appearance day of Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Purī Gosvāmī Mahārāja, we read a beautiful story in which he showed how time spent absorbed in Bhagavān is infinitely greater than any amount of money. I'll share an excerpt from Śrīla Bhāratī Gosvāmī Mahārāja's description of this story at the end.

The pastime felt especially relevant to me.

A couple months ago I found out that I lost a large amount of GVP's money due to my being a total space cadet (I forgot to unsubscribe from a online service that I intended to use for only a month). I revealed the details of what happened to only a couple friends because it's so shameful. Please don't ask me about it! 🙈

The moment I found out what I'd done, my stomach dropped and I felt that deep sinking feeling of loss. I couldn't get it off my mind for days. Even now I catch myself dwelling on it.

The day it happened, I became very philosophical in an attempt to make myself feel better. I thought, “I'm getting upset over some money that I lost and will have to make up, but that loss is nothing compared to all the days—no, weeks and months—in which I did not make any time to deeply and sincerely focus on the prayers of our guru-varga and seriously chant. This is a wakeup call. I've been moving in the wrong direction for a long time now. Time to try and move back on track.”

Later that day, I went to Rādhā-Dāmodara. I sat in front of my Gurudeva's samādhi there and sang Gurvaṣṭakam. I sat in front of Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Prabhupāda's samādhi and sang Prabhupāda-padma-stava. I sang a song from Śaraṇāgati in front of Śrīla Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja's samādhi. I sat in front of Jīva Gosvāmī's samādhi (it was his appearance day) and I sang Ṣaḍ-Gosvāmyaṣṭaka and some other things. I continued like this and made a point to not worry how much time it took.

Every day I should be utilizing my time in this way, but the scary thing was that I couldn't remember when I last did this on my own. Whenever I chant, sing prayers, or do any kind of devotional activity, I try to be as “productive” and “time-efficient” as I can. I get those prayers over and done with as quickly as possible so I can get on with whatever other “important” thing I want to do. I got my priorities completely mixed up. I should try to be productive with whatever ordinary tasks I have so that I can get back to the only thing that actually matters: śravaṇam, kīrtanam, smaraṇam. If I don't have these three primary activities as my main focus, whatever so-called service I do produces only karma. My time, or, in other words, my life, wastes away pointlessly.

I've been given everything one could ever hope for. I could be experiencing the topmost joy realizing the purpose of my very being: to serve Kṛṣṇa. I could grab hold of my connection with my Gurudeva, my guru-varga, all the associates of Mahāprabhu, Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa. But no, I think I'm too busy a man. Got more urgent things to attend to!

Sundar Gopala prabhu expressed my predicament well:

In today’s time-driven, clock-obsessed world, we never seem to have enough time. We are concerned about falling “behind time”, and are eager to be “on time” or better still, “ahead of time”. We speak about “beating time” and “racing against time”. In short, we live against time. In fact, time seems to have become our worst enemy.

We discussed the case of James Henry Paine, the “millionaire tramp”. We may well consider James’s peculiar habits a sign of mental disorder, but what James does in relation to money, so many of us do in relation to time. After all, we even say “Time is money”.

The United States and United Kingdom are among the poorest nations in the world because their populations are time poor. We have what we might call a time-deficit disorder, or TDD. We have devised ingenious ways to do things more quickly, but we have less time than ever before.

We say time is money, but time is something infinitely more valuable than that. Time is life. To live in constant opposition to time is to live in constant opposition to life. How strange, then, that we should choose to adopt an approach whereby we are not on the same side as life, but are working against it. The opposite of life is death. To work in opposition to life is therefore to adopt a death-orientated approach to living.

Our attitude towards time plays a great part in forming our perceptual world. It is one of the most important features of the underlying architecture of our world. Someone who lives in accord with Dharma enters into vital engagement with life; and in doing so, regards time not as her adversary but as her greatest ally.

Haas, Simon. The Book of Dharma: Making Enlightened Choices (pp. 39-40). Veda Wisdom Books. Kindle Edition.

I would be lying if I said that that realization of mine lasted for more than a day or two. Realization/inspiration born from mundane despair is often short-lived (because it is coming from the mode of passion). However, the words of our guru-varga and their life's example provide unlimitedly more powerful inspiration that can last forever. So, on this auspicious day, I'll end with the potent words of Śrīla Bhakti Vijñāna Bhāratī Gosvāmī Mahārāja in glorification of Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Purī Gosvāmī Mahārāja:

Once, Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Purī Gosvāmī Mahārāja was ecstatically singing in front of Śrī Jagannātha’s chariot – ‘sei ta parāṇa-nātha pāinu, ĵāhā lāgi’ madana-dahane jhuri’ genu’ (now I have gained the Lord of My life, in the absence of whom I was being burned by Cupid and was withering away). There was a bag hanging from his shoulder in which he would carry a kīrtana book, bead bag and other small, miscellaneous items. Just as one pickpocket, citing an opportunity, reached into Śrīla Purī Gosvāmī Mahārāja’s bag, my god brother Śrī Nārāyaṇa Kapoor, caught that pickpocket’s hand and began to loudly proclaim with great pride, “I have caught the pickpocket! I have caught the pickpocket!” Repeating this over and over again, he somehow managed to get the attention of Śrīla Purī Gosvāmī Mahārāja, who chastised him, “Money will come and go. Whoever wants it, may take it. But can this mood that has now awakened be attained at all times?” Śrī Nārāyaṇa Kapoor then said to me, “I was only doing a good deed; I cannot understand why Mahārāja chastised me in return!” Although Śrī Nārāyaṇa Kapoor could not comprehend Śrīla Purī Gosvāmī Mahārāja’s response, I accepted the essence of his words in the form of a mantra: ‘When spontaneous bhāva arises for Bhagavān, all other things become inferior in comparison.’

–The Mantra Received From Śrī Śrīmad Bhakti Pramoda Purī Gosvāmī Mahārāja, VCV website. [You can read a much more detailed account of this pastime here. Look for the section in the article titled "A PRAṆAYI-BHAKTA"]